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:: Wednesday, November 24, 2004 ::
the space keeps opening ... i create & it opens then i stand staring at it not knowing what to do with it ... so i create some more & it opens up farther & once again i stand staring at it ... now what? my canvas always full & always empty as i keep creating.
from nothing ... the universe gives me exactly what i ask for ...
answering to the future that calls me. whatever the hell that is. i just keep answering.
reminded of art school where we sat for hours discussing if art creates life or if life creates art - as i say money - money falls out of my mouth - as i say love - love falls out of my mouth. i am at cause. i have resisted being willing for so long & suddenly it has become a game to surrender to it. almost afraid to open my mouth - but not.
i battle the fear - a one woman army.
:: Kym 3:19 AM [+] ::
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:: Friday, November 19, 2004 ::
riduculous stories float past me & i grab onto them & become entertained - stuck with them like they are real. i know vulnerability - i know intimacy & yet when they knock at my door i simply look out the peep hole at them & pretend that i have never met them before - walking away with them left standing there knocking.
i refuse to live like this anymore. the costs are too high. i want freedom too much.
fuck it - let the fun begin.
NOTHING EXISTS UNTIL I CREATE IT!
:: Kym 1:00 PM [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 ::
talking today - i realize that i have not shared here in so long. i withdrew - told that what i was sharing was impacting others unfairly. speaking my truth getting in the way. i left here angry that my freedom had been stripped from me. it was not a public place - it was my quiet place - my place to release & suddenly i had no release. in my typical fashion i withdrew. i didn't know how to synthesize it so i left. i shut down. i stopped.
bullshit. i own this place. it is mine. i get to choose to either share openly or not. my feelings, my thoughts, my art. art - not always for the masses to understand. vulnerability - not always for the world to appreciate. each will make their own meanings. if they really want to know they can ask. nothing hidden.
i am back.
:: Kym 1:32 AM [+] ::
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