:: Monday, June 30, 2003 ::

my paths are not always obvious ... the journey brings me to them. sometimes i run, sometimes i stumble, sometimes i just roam, but, the path i am on always leads me to the most incredible crossroads & dead ends & highways & it is then that i get to make a choice. those moments of choice are the rich moments ... the moments that define who i am as a traveler ... as a woman. it is only in the choosing that i can cause the next path of the journey. so often, in my past i fell to the incorrect assumption that not choosing left me free but i know now that not choosing is still a choice & never an acceptable one for me ... it left me victim to the path, the very path i wanted freedom on. not choosing left the path in control instead of me.

so here i am, choosing ... moment by moment ... finally free, finally in control - not of the twists & turns of the path but of the choices at each twist & turn. i haven't a clue what the end result of the choice will be, where i will end up but it is in the choosing that i get the freedom. it is within the ability to choose, not knowing, vunderable, that i am free.

so now i choose & if a choice leads me somewhere i don't want to be i just get to choose again - never letting the path run me - always running the path never stopped.
:: Kym 8:46 AM [+] ::
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dancing with the world i can lead or follow ... free-floating ... i am no longer stuck in one role ... and once on the floor i could just dance forever ...
:: Kym 10:23 AM [+] ::
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i cross bridges guarded by fire & reach the other side ... unscathed
:: Kym 1:04 AM [+] ::
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vunderable ... a place i have never been willing to go ... it opens it all up ...

sitting in it is uncomfortable & still FREE ...so many years of being afraid of looking bad ... of being rejected & yet here i am ... open & vunderable & i test it over & over ... not sure I can take it .. not sure i can stop it it is the juice on the other side i am after ... like getting to really live.

staying present & being willing to drop the pretense ... so clever all those years at the cover-up ... like i really was willing to give up the juice for the sake of playing it safe ... funny creatures us humans ... entire lives spent protecting nothing, living like the walking dead ...

i am willing to trade it in ... the cost of it all finally biggger than the payoff ...

so i can be authentic ... i can run the race with time ... can really have it all ...

denial such the placibo, tell me anything & i will fake the symptoms. no more. it has a 30 minute shelf-life now & it is getting shorter each day. playing in a new realm i can discover what it is like to breathe.

i awaken each day to explore who i want to be vs. who i thought i was ...

i am the one.
:: Kym 3:55 AM [+] ::
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today i am being free & wildly self-expressed & i get to play full out - there are those moments when i really get that it is present ...like no kidding ....like now ...
i look back at the stuph written back in december & get a glimpse of evolution as the concepts become reality ... i look back 2 years ago & i don't even know who she was ...
:: Kym 9:39 AM [+] ::
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so the world of transformation is alive & well again ... welcome back!!!!
:: Kym 9:22 PM [+] ::
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